200 Best Halloween Jokes That’ll Make You Shriek With Laughter

If you're all about feeling frightened on Halloween, you probably love all the scary Halloween movies, creepy costumes, and gore that come with the holiday. On the other hand, some aren't as fond of Halloween's spooky side—and that's okay! Halloween also has a fun and whimsical side that's more sweet than scary. These funny Halloween jokes are just that—they playfully poke fun at all the eerie elements of the holiday, making them entertaining for everyone!

There are witch jokes, vampire jokes, ghost jokes, and everything in between for the silliest All Hallows' Eve ever. Love some terrible dad jokes? Pull out some corny Halloween puns and riddles. Find out where ghosts shop on Halloween (the ghost-ery store) and what a witch's favorite subject in school is (it's spell-ing). Your kids will get a kick out of these cute Halloween jokes, too—in fact, they're perfect for sneaking in as notes in their lunch boxes!

So what are you waiting for? Keep everyone entertained all season long with these hilarious and festive jokes. They also make excellent Halloween Instagram captions for all your costume pictures and they pair perfectly with Halloween quotes in greeting cards.

• How did the zombie become great a trick or treating? Dead-ication.
• What is a vampire's favorite halloween candy? A sucker.
• What do demons eat for breakfast? Deviled eggs.
• What did the girl horse dress up as for Halloween? A night mare.
• What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing? A cornfield!
• Why didn’t the skeleton go to prom? He had no body to go with.
• How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
• How did the skeleton know it was going to rain on Halloween? He felt it in his bones.
• How do zombies serve the country? In the Marine Corpse.
• Who gives Dracula the most candy on Halloween? His fang-club.
• What do skeleton dogs eat? Milk bones.
• What do zombies order at the deli? Knuckle sandwich.
• What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound.
• What kind of medicine do witches use on their warts? I don't know, but it's not working.
• What did the witch do when her car broke down? She witch-hiked!
  
• What do you call a movie about zombies finding true love? A zom-com.
• Did you hear about the coffin sale? That's the last thing I need.
• What did one zombie surfer say to the other? "Creepin' it real."
• Why don't they play music in skeleton church? They don't have organs!
• Where do mummies like to swim? The Dead Sea.
• Why are there fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.
• How do you get a werewolf to stop chasing you? Throw a stick and say, "fetch!"
• What do you do with a green monster? Wait until it's ripe.
• Albert Einstein was a genius... but his brother Frank was a monster!
• What's a skeleton's favorite song? "Bad to the Bone."
• Why don't werewolves ever know the time? Because they're not when-wolves.
• What do dentists hand out at Halloween? Candy. It's good for business.
• I would make a skeleton joke, but you wouldn't find it very humerus.
• What types of TVs are in haunted houses? Wide scream TVs.
• Why are mummies good employees? They get wrapped up in their work.
• Why do skeletons hate parties? They have no-body to dance with.
• How does a scarecrow drink his juice? With a straw!
• What does a skeleton say before eating? Bone appetit!
• Where does the witch usually take her vacation? Anywhere that has a broom with a view.
• How did Dracula learn to be a vampire? He took a crash corpse.
• When's the best time to cast a spell? The witching hour.
• What do you call a cow on Halloween? A boo-vine.
• How do you get rid of demons? Exorcise a lot.
• Why does a witch ride a broomstick? So she can make a clean getaway.
• What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
• What kind of bread do zombies like? Whole brain.
• What's a monster's favorite cheese? Muenster.
  
• Why was the cemetery chosen to be the perfect location to write a movie? Because it had great plots.
• What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween? Candy corneas.
• What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
• Have you heard about the poor witch who became a millionaire? It was a rags to witches story.
• What do witches’ cats eat for breakfast? Mice crispies.
• Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was totally batty.
• Who's in charge of the candy corn? The kernel.
• What is a monster’s favorite pet? Creepy crawlies.
• When do cows turn into werewolves? During the full mooooooooon.
• Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
• How do witches play loud music? On their broom boxes.
• What's a werewolf's go-to pickup line? Howl you doin', good lookin'?
• Do zombies eat burgers with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
• What do you call a hip jack-o'-lantern? Waaay ahead of the carve.
• Why did the headless horseman decide to get a job? He wanted to get ahead in life.
• Why can't a vampire go to a barbecue? They're afraid of stakes.
• How much does a bone car cost? A skeleton-ton!
• What's a bird's favorite Halloween game? Ducking for apples!
• Why can’t you invite twin witches to a party? You can never tell witch witch is witch!
• What does a ghoul put on its pizza? Monster-ella cheese!
• Where do werewolves store their Halloween treats? In a were-house.
• How do vampires like movie stars? Medium rare.
• How does Dracula stay fit? He plays bat-minton!
• How does Frankenstein get around town? Monster truck!
• What did the skeleton wear to the Halloween party? A human costume.
• Why did the skeleton run away? Because a dog was after his bones.
• What do witches put on to go trick-or-treating? Mas-scare-a.
• What makes trick-or-treating with twin witches so challenging? You never know which witch is which!
• Why did the witch take a nap? She needed to rest a spell.
• What are two witches living together called? Broommates.
• Where does Dracula keep his money? At the blood bank.
• How do you fix a broken jack-o'-lantern? With a pumpkin patch!
• What do witches ask for at a hotel? Broom service.
• Why don't people like Dracula? He's a pain in the neck.
• Why did the vampire read the newspaper? Because it had great circulation.
• What's a mummy's favorite type of music? Wrap.
• Why didn't the skeleton cross the street? He didn't have any guts.
• Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin!

• What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? A straw-berry.
• How do you spell candy with only two letters? C and Y.
• What do witches put on their bagels? Scream cheese.
• What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? A steak!
• How do monsters prepare their eggs? Terror-fried.
• Why didn’t the fettuccine go out for Halloween? It was too alfredo!
• What’s a skeleton’s favorite snack? A cinnabone.
• What do you get when you drop a pumpkin from the roof? Squash.
• What is a mummy's favorite thing to eat for lunch? A veggie wrap.
• Why was the corn afraid to go to the Halloween party? Because it was poppin’!
• What does a little witch use to bake? An easy bake coven.
• What is a zombie's favorite kind of bean? A human bean.
• What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sourpuss!
• What’s the banshee’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and scream.
• What’s a vampire’s least favorite food? Garlic bread.
• Why couldn't the coffee bean go to the Halloween party? It was grounded.
• What is Dracula's favorite cake flavor? Vein-ella.
• What's a zombie's favorite cheese? Zom-brie.
• How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
• What's a spider's favorite side dish? Corn on the cobweb.
• What do ghosts put in their hot cocoa? Whipped scream.
• What do zombies eat for dessert? Ladyfingers.
• Where do deviled eggs come from? Evil hens.
• What is a ghoul’s favorite candy flavor? Lemon slime.
• What is a zombie's least favorite candy? Life Savers.

• “Knock, Knock!” “Who’s there?” “Handsome.” “Handsome who?” “Handsome candy to me.”
• “Knock, Knock!” “Who’s there?” “Robin.” “Robin who?” “Robin your candy jar.”
• “Knock, Knock!” “Who's there?” “Canoe!” “Canoe who?” “Canoe please give me more candy.
  
• "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Ice cream!" "Ice cream who?" "Ice cream every time I see a ghost!"
• "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Eddie!" "Eddie who?" "Eddie body home?" "It's Halloween!"
• "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Bob." "Bob who?" "Bob for apples! It's Halloween."
• "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Figs!" "Figs who?" "Figs your doorbell so I can stop knocking!"
• "Knock, Knock." "Who’s there?" "Bat." "Bat who?" "Bat you’ll never guess!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Voodoo." "Voodoo who?" "Voodoo you think you are practicing magic on Halloween?”
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Bee." "Bee who?" "Bee-ware there's a full moon out tonight!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Who." "Who who?" "Are you being an owl for Halloween?"
• "Knock, Knock." "Who's there?" "Iguana." "Iguana who?" "Iguana eat all your candy."
• "Knock, Knock." "Who's there?" "Phillip!" "Phillip who?" "Phillip my bag with candy!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who’s there?" "Fangs." "Fangs who?" "Fangs for letting me in!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Witch." "Witch who?" "Witch one of you is giving me all your candy?"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Olive." "Olive who?" "Olive Halloween!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Aw, don't cry, it's Halloween!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Orange." "Orange who?" "Orange you glad it's finally Halloween?"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Howl." "Howl who?" "Howl you know who's here if you don't open the door!"
• "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Ben." "Ben who?" "Ben waiting for candy all day!"

• What does a turkey dress up as on Halloween? A goblin.
• Who do monsters buy their cookies from? Ghoul scouts.
• What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A sax-a-bone.
• What candy do you eat on the playground? Recess pieces.
  
• Why did the vampire need to wash its mouth? It had bat breath.
• Which key opens a haunted house? A spook-key!
• What did the bat say to the other bat? Want to hang out?
• Why did the monster's team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
• How do spiders communicate? The World Wide Web!
• What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A Neck-tarine.
• What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out!
• Which monster loves to dance? The Boogieman!
• What do witches eat for lunch? Sand-witches.
• What happened to the zombie who ran in the race? It came in dead last.
• Why don’t skeletons skydive? They don’t have the stomach for it.
• Which pumpkins work at the local pool? Life-gourds.
• Why did the vampire get glasses? It was as blind as a bat.
• Why couldn't the witch make a speech? There was a frog in her throat.
• Where do zombies live? On a dead-end street.
• How do mummies start their letters? Tomb it may concern.
• What does the witch ask her sisters the day after Halloween? Witch one of you has my candy?
• Who's the scariest body builder of all time? Dr. Frankenstein.
• What do you call a broken Jack-o'-lantern? A crack-o-lantern!
• What's the biggest Halloween contest for moms? Mummy of the year!
• What do you get when you mix a vampire with a snowman? Frost-bite!
• What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newly webs.
• Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? His ghoul-friend.
• How do you know a skeleton is sick? He’s coffin.
• What do you call Winnie the Pooh on Halloween? Winnie the Boo!
• What is a skeleton's favorite instrument? The trom-BONE!
• What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
• What's a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangs-giving.
• What do you call a skeleton who lays around all day? Lazy bones.
• What do birds say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
• What's a witch's favorite school subject? Spelling.
• What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
• Why are spiders great baseball players? They know how to catch flies!

• Where did the ghost get her Halloween costume? At a bootique.
• Where do ghosts go on holidays? The Boohamas.
• What position does a ghost play in hockey? Ghoulie.
• Why don’t ghosts shower? It dampens their spirits.
• What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred? Spooktacles.
• Why can't ghosts lie? Because you can see right through them.
• What did one ghost say to the other ghost? Do you believe in people?
• Why do ghosts pick their noses? To get the boo-gers!
• How do ghosts wash their hair? With sham-boo!
• How do you know when a ghost is sad? He starts boo-hooing.
• What game do baby ghosts like to play? Peek-a-Boo!
• What kind of pants do ghosts wear? Boo-jeans!
• What does a panda ghost eat? Bam-BOO!
• What room do ghosts not need? A living room.
• What do Italian ghosts have for dinner? Boo-ghetti!
• Where do baby ghosts go during the day? To day-scare!
• What did the Kleenex say to the ghost? Put a little boo-pie in it!
• What's a ghost's favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
• What do ghosts eat for dessert? Ice scream.
• Why do ghosts like sales? They're bargain haunters!
• What do ghosts drink? Mountain Boo.
• Why do ghosts never date each other? Someone is bound to ghost.
• How does a ghost get its girlfriend's attention? "Hey, boo!"
• Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies? You can see right through them.
• What's a ghost's favorite ride? A roller-ghoster.
• What is a ghost's favorite day of the week? Fright-day!
• What does a ghost teacher say to their students? "Watch the board and I'll go through it again!"
• Where do you find the spookiest sweets on Halloween? The ghost-ery store.
• Why did the ghost leave his job? He hated the graveyard shift.
• Why did the ghost starch his sheet? He wanted everyone scared stiff.
• Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
• What position does the ghost play in soccer? Ghoul-keeper.
• What did the ghost say when it fell down? It got a boo-boo.
• What does a ghost mom say when she gets in the car? Fasten your sheet-belts.
• What do ghosts use to do their makeup? Vanishing cream.
• What kind of rocks do ghosts collect? Tombstones.
• How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
• Why did the policeman ticket the ghost on Halloween? It didn’t have a haunting license.

Erin Cavoto

Erin Cavoto is the Editorial Assistant at ThePioneerWoman.com, covering food, holidays, home decor, and more.