Nothing says fall quite like pumpkins! Once autumn rolls around, they seem to pop up everywhere—in your coffee cup, on your porch, and all over your weekend plans. From pumpkin patches and days spent carving jack-o'-lanterns to enjoying pumpkin spice everything, pumpkins are the true symbol of the season. And if your autumn calendar is filled with all that festive fun, you're going to love these pumpkin jokes.
Perfect for a Halloween bash, Friendsgiving, or just to make the kids laugh, these puns and one-liners will give everyone pumpkin' to talk about. Let them know you're all about "gourd vibes only" in a funny card, impress your uncle with a dad joke about pumpkins listening to music on "vine-yl," or make the kiddos giggle when you ask about Cinderella's football skills (she had a pumpkin for a coach). Whatever the occasion for the joke, you'll find them all right here—the gourd, the bad, and the ugly! 🎃😂
Funny Pumpkin Jokes
- What did the queasy pumpkin say? "I don't feel so gourd."
- What do you call a big jack-o'-lantern? A plump-kin.
- Where do pumpkins live? Over in the seedy part of town.
- Why are jack-o'-lanterns so smart? Candles make them bright.
- What is black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin holding a pumpkin.
- Where does a pumpkin preach? From the pulp-it.
- What do adventurous pumpkins do for fun? They go bungee gourd jumping.
- What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin? "You're looking a little sick."
- What did one pumpkin say to the other? "Happy Hollowing!"
- Why do pumpkins sit on people's porches? They have no hands to knock on the door.
- Why do pumpkins perform so poorly in school? They had all their brains scooped out.
- What kind of romance stories do pumpkins enjoy? A mushy romance.
- What's the problem with eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year? You'll get autumn-y ache.
- When asked how he was feeling, what did the pumpkin say? "I'm vine, thank you!"
- What did the pumpkin say to the pie baker? "Please use apples, instead."
- What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving? "Good-pie, everyone."
- What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
- Where do pumpkins hold meetings? In the gourdroom.
- What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach? A life gourd.
- What's a pumpkin's favorite movie? Pulp Fiction.
- What does a pumpkin use to repair its pants? A pumpkin patch!
- Why was the jack-o'-lantern afraid to cross the road? It had no guts!
- What did one pumpkin say to the other pumpkin who asked where the patch was? Ah, a talking pumpkin!
- How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music? On vine-yl.
- What's a pumpkin's favorite Western? The Gourd, The Bad, and The Ugly.
- Why was Cinderella bad at football? She had a pumpkin for a coach.
- What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin pi.
- What is a pumpkin's favorite sport? Squash.
- Who helped the baby pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
- What do pumpkins say at happy hour? Let's get smashed.
- What did the jack-o'-lantern say to its barber? Surprise me!
- What did the pumpkin say to its carver? Cut it out!
- What do you call an athletic pumpkin? A jock-o-lantern.
- How do you repair a broken jack-o'-lantern? Use a pumpkin patch.
- Why was Cinderella sticky at the ball? Because she went there in a pumpkin!
- Why was the jack-o'-lantern so forgetful? Because he's empty-headed.
Pumpkin Knock-Knock Jokes
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Gourd. Gourd who? Gourd to see you, let’s carve some pumpkins!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry! It’s just a pumpkin!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Pumpkin. Pumpkin who? Things that go pumpkin the night!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad it's almost Halloween?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Jack. Jack who? Jack-o'-lantern!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Pie. Pie who? Pie really love you.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice who? Time to pumpkin spice up the night!
Pumpkin Puns
- Life is gourd.
- I'm on the rind 24/7.
- Let's lay this pumpkin to roast.
- Let the gourd times roll!
- I only have pies for you.
- Ahead of the carve.
- Welcome to the pun-kin patch.
- This pumpkin feels a little hollow inside.
- A pumpkin a day keeps the goblins away!
- Sorry I'm latte. I had to pick up my pumpkin spice.
- Beauty is in the pie of the beholder.
- Patch you later!
- Slipped on a pumpkin today. It caught me off gourd.
- I used a pumpkin to summon ghosts. It was an Ouija gourd.
- Let's give 'em pumpkin to talk about.
- Squash goals.
- Oh my gourd, I'm stuffed.
- Pumpkin some iron at the gym.
- I'm a pun-king.
- We're just a couple of country pumpkins.
- Hey, gourd-looking!
- Don't gourd breaking my heart.
Micaela Bahn is a freelance editorial assistant and recent graduate from Carleton College, where she majored in English literature. She loves running, photography, and cooking the best new recipes.
