30 Funny Christmas Quotes That Will Have You Giggling All Holiday Long
"Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help." 😂
During Christmastime, we're hustling and bustling trying to get everything together. (It's a season of many tasks!) It's all for good reason though, because getting to enjoy that holiday breakfast right before opening up those Christmas gifts under tree is definitely worth it. Still, it's important to not stress yourself out when planning all the little details! Remember to take a step back and think about the true meaning of Christmas, and even take some time to laugh! The most ideal way to do that, at least to us, is by reading these funny Christmas quotes.
Some of these quotes, sayings, and jokes would make a clever Christmas Instagram caption! This one from Garrison Keillor is a prime example: "A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." Others on this list poke fun at those who love their Christmas décor more than anything else, like this Charlie Brown Christmas quote one from Charles M. Schulz: "Christmas is a box of tree ornaments that have become part of the family." There are plenty of Santa quotes and Christmas jokes that kids and adults will both find hilarious. No matter what point you are in the holiday season, reading these funny Christmas quotes is the perfect way to unwind during a busy time of year!
Kin Hubbard
“Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas”
Conan O'Brien
“Got all my Christmas shopping done. Now to shop for other people.”
Stewart Stafford
“White Christmas' is the 'Bohemian Rhapsody' of Christmas songs.”
Eloisa James
“I don’t want Christmas season to end, because it’s the only time I can legitimately indulge in on particular addiction: glitter.”
Shirley Temple
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”
Maya Angelou
“I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”
Phyllis Diller
“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.”
Douglas Coupland
“Handmade presents are scary because they reveal that you have too much free time.”
Milton Berle
“There are a lot of things money can’t buy. Not one of them is on my son’s list.”
Winston Spear
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin."
Melanie White
"Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they're worth the price of a stamp."
Bernard Manning
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, 'toys not included.'"
Victor Borge
"Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
Kate Summers
"You can just hear Santa saying 'Ho, Ho, Ho' when you receive your credit card statement in January."
Bridger Winegar
"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases."
Bob Phillips
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."
Larry Wilde
"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."
Johnny Carson
"The worst gift is a fruitcake."
Jerry Seinfeld
"That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me."
Andy Borowitz
"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard."
Josiah is the Digital Content Producer for the commerce team at Popular Mechanics, Best Products, Runner’s World, and Bicycling Magazine. He also writes for “BIO Buys”—a column on Biography.com—giving readers the lowdown on what products their favorite celebs are using. In another life, Josiah was an editor at ThePioneerWoman.com, where he sharpened his expertise on all things lifestyle, food-news, and entertainment. Outside work related matters, he’s a fan of Studio Ghibli films, unimportant reality TV drama, and melancholy Lorde songs.
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