The Cattle Guard

 
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away (okay, thirty yards from our house) we had a cattle guard. The cattle guard kept cattle and horses out of our yard. Because that’s what cattle guards do.

The way a cattle guard works is this: there are metal pipes that are laid in a strategic formation over a deep ditch. The ditch is the key here, because it provides a deterrent for the cattle. If they try to cross the cattle guard, their legs will fall down in between the pipes and they will get stuck. The cattle know this. So they generally don’t try to cross cattle guards.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, our ranch had a handyman. He lived and worked on the ranch for a couple of years and inexplicably, one summer during his employ…he decided to fill in our cattle guard.

It wasn’t a one-time occurrence. It happened slowly…over time. For instance, one time Marlboro Man had him help clear out a gravel pile from behind our barn. Marlboro Man thought he would take the gravel to a larger gravel pile on the ranch. But he didn’t. We would find out later that he dumped it in the cattle guard. And another time, when he filled up the Rhino with sand and dirt that had run off of the road after a big rain, he didn’t take it and dump it in the creek or on the hillside. He dumped it into our cattle guard.

We were busy having babies and trying to run the ranch, and before we even knew what had hit us, our yard was filled with cattle. We wondered how the cattle had gotten into our yard. Then we looked at the cattle guard and saw that it had been filled in. Then we scratched our heads for a few hours. Today, we still don’t exactly know what our handyman was thinking, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. He obviously had his reasons, and he was trying to be helpful. I think the deep ditch under the cattle guard just seemed like a handy place to deposit things.

Anyway, this summer we finally decided that we simply had to take the time to clean out the cattle guard. We’ve been dreaming of a world in which we can wake up in the morning and not trip over a cow when we walk out the back door.

So the original plan was that Marlboro Man would attach a chain to the pipe structure and use our big tractor to pull it up. He would then use the tractor to scoop all of l the dirt and gunk out of the ditch. But when he tried this the other day, the pipe wouldn’t budge. Evidently, layers of dirt and gravel had been compressed (and mixed with rainwater) to such a degree that it effectively cemented in the pipes.

This was going to be a much bigger job than we realized.

 

Inch by inch, *we’ve had to chisel through—and dig out—the layers upon layers of hardened material underneath and in between the pipes.

*I use the term “we” very, very loosely here.

The tractor was in the way, so our girl hopped in and backed it up.

I could no more back up a tractor than I could recite The Iliad in ancient Greek.

My baby was chipping away, too.

No pair of hands is exempt.

Except mine, of course.

Somebody has to take the photos.

If I were busy chipping and chiseling, I might miss this.

And this.

I just love cleaning out the cattle guard.

Charlie’s helping, too.

He’s representing for the both of us.

So after hours of chiseling and digging and chipping and loosening…it was the moment of truth. We hooked the chain through the pipes and onto the edge of the tractor attachment thing…and then I told the kids to SCOOT BACK! BECAUSE IF THAT CHAIN SNAPS, WE’RE ALL TOAST!

Mothers have the gift of fear.

And guess what? It didn’t work! The pipe wouldn’t even think about budging; it’s completely cemented in.

So the crew worked into the hot summer afternoon. We exchanged the tractor for the smaller skid steer so we could haul off smaller loads of the junk we dig out.

And they’re still working on it. This project is going to take awhile, and we might need a few more hands to help us.

I’ll keep you posted.

In the meantime, I have to chase a cow out of my yard.

Love,
Pioneer Woman