50 Funny Mom Quotes That Highlight the Hilarity of Motherhood

"I used to be cool. Now I yell things like, ‘Stop licking the window!'"

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out."

"Being a mom is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how to do it."

"You will always be your child’s favorite toy."

"I always say, 'If you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them.'"

"A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."

"Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house."

"I don’t have it all together. But I’ve learned to accept it, laugh at it, and then hide in the bathroom for five minutes."

"A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family."

"I thought I’d know what I was doing by kid #3. I don’t."

"No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too."

"Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was."

"Ma-ma does everything for a baby, who responds by saying Da-da first."

"Kids don’t really need parents. They just need something to wipe their hands on."

"Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."

“My sister said once: 'Anything I don't want Mother to know, I don't even think of, if she's in the room.'”

“When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”

“A suburban mother's role is to deliver children; obstetrically once and by car forever after.”

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”

“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”