Me: Yuck. It kinda bugs me when the birds hang out on the horses’ backs.
Him: Okay. And remind me again of why that would bug you?
Me: I don’t know. It just seems to me they’re hitching a free ride, just following the horses around so they don’t actually have to work to go find their own food.
Him: Well, the horses don’t go out and find their own food. As you may have noticed, that’s what we’re doing in this pasture right now. We…are feeding…the horses.
Me: Well, still. Look at that one! It’s just using the horse for a warm place to sit. The horse is the one standing up and doing all the work.
Me: And furthermore, look!—they’re picking bits of hay off the horses’ backs. They don’t even ask; they just help themselves!
Him: Actually, they’re picking mites off the horse’s back.
Me: Rice? That doesn’t make any sense. Hay, I can understand. Grass, sure. But rice? I don’t think so.
Him: I said ‘mites’.
Me: Mice?
Him: Mites. I said ‘mites’. The birds pick mites off the horses’ backs. It’s a necessary part of nature. And look—the horses actually love it.
Me: Well, I’ll be darned…you’re right. They do like it! It must tickle nicely somehow. Would you like me to do that to you sometime?
Him: Here, let me run you home real quick.
Me: What? What are you talking about? I thought I was going to help you feed.
Him: Well, I just assume if the whole “help” factor was removed from that scenario, it would probably make more sense for you just to go home.
Me: So you’re saying you don’t want me to pick mites off your back?
Him: Probably not.
Me: How about rice? I’d be happy to pick rice off your back.
Him: That’s okay.
Me: If you ever have a mice problem, I’ll pick those off, too.
Him: Okie doke. Here you go.
Me: (Getting out of the feed truck) I love you, honey.
Him: I love you, too. Thanks for the help.
Me: Hey, anytime. You need anything else, you know where to find me.
(Feed truck peels out and speeds away.)
____________________________________
The preceding scene was brought to you by the Men Driven to the Brink by Their Motormouth Wives Foundation.
Ree Drummond is the founder of The Pioneer Woman and a lover of butter, basset hounds and life on the ranch! Ree started her blog in 2006, and now millions visit ThePioneerWoman.com every month for her trusted recipes and fun family stories. Here’s what she has been up to since it all began:
New York Times Bestselling Author
Ree has written two memoirs (Black Heels to Tractor Wheels, and Frontier Follies) plus nine bestselling cookbooks:
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl (2009)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Food from My Frontier (2012)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: A Year of Holidays (2013)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Dinnertime (2015)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Come and Get It! (2017)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: The New Frontier (2019)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Super Easy (2021)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Dinner’s Ready! (2023)
The Pioneer Woman Cooks: The Essential Recipes (2025)
Food Network Host
Since 2011, Ree has been sharing simple, family-friendly recipes—and the occasional kitchen prank!—on her award-winning show The Pioneer Woman, filmed right on Drummond Ranch. Ree is also a regular judge on Food Network competitions, including Christmas Cookie Challenge.
Founder, The Pioneer Woman Collection
Ree has been creating and selling kitchen and home products at Walmart since 2015 and she’s involved in designing every piece and pattern. The line now includes best-selling appliances (you have to see the floral blender!), plus hundreds of pieces of cookware, tableware, and more. Ree doesn’t like to play favorites but the Agatha print has a special place in her heart.
Restaurant and Hotel Owner
Together with her husband Ladd, Ree has opened several bustling businesses in Pawhuska, Oklahoma, including The Pioneer Woman Mercantile—a bakery, restaurant, and general store that draws visitors from across the country (many come for the biscuits alone!), P-Town Pizza, Charlie’s Ice Cream Shop, and The Boarding House, a charming hotel with eight different rooms decorated by Ree and Ladd.
Media Personality
Ree appears regularly on national TV shows like Today, Good Morning America and more—all while managing to keep flour off her shirt.
Wife, Mom and…Grandma!
Ree’s kids (daughters Alex and Paige and sons Bryce and Todd) are all grown up, and as of December 2024, Ree is the proud grandma of the cutest baby ever, Sofia Scott, born to Alex and her husband Mauricio. Ree still cooks for Ladd (and the kids when they’re home), and she also looks after a few mischievous ranch dogs.
