Things I’ve Learned

I have to write about Ga-Ga again. It seems strange for me to write about anything else. I’ll work my way back into posting about normal life this week.

Promise.

For now, here are some things I’ve learned, in no particular order:

1. It’s not an unnatural thing to lose a grandmother.

Grandmothers are supposed to go before us.

It’s not an unexpected thing.

But somehow, that doesn’t really matter.

Doesn’t make it any easier.

2. The greater the love you felt from your grandmother, the more it hurts when she’s gone.

It’s true.

3. As I’ve looked at photos of Ga-Ga over the past few days, it’s felt as if her eyes were alive and looking at me.

I know that sounds strange.

Maybe a little kooky.

But I’m just sharing my experience.

4. The tears I’ve cried have been a combination of grief over losing her and gratitude for having been her granddaughter.

Most of the time, I can’t distinguish between the two.

Such a unique blend of emotions.

5. A grandmother is one of the most important roles in life.

I hope I get the privilege of being one someday.

When I do, I’ll carry Ga-Ga along with me.

6. Seeing a person you love before they die is a precious thing.

When my sister and I made plans to travel to Tennessee to see Ga-Ga last month, we waffled a little bit. It was a busy time for both of us, and we considered waiting. Ultimately, we both decided to go, and it was during that short trip to Tennessee that I got to:

Eat breakfast with Ga-Ga. We had pancakes and bacon and she asked me “Where are your slippers?” when she saw my bare feet. She always thought I’d catch pneumonia if I didn’t have slippers on.

Hold her hand. It was frail and soft.

Rub Pond’s Cold Cream on her face. She was getting ready to take a nap and she asked me if I would. I gently rubbed it onto her cheeks and she looked into my eyes in the same way I imagine she did when she first held me after I was born. It was love and it was connection. I close my eyes and repeat that moment again and again.

Tell her how much I loved her. Even though I know she already knew, it was important to me to say those words to her clearly.

I’m so glad Betsy and I got to see her.

7. Loss is such a universal experience.

So many of you have lost grandmothers and understand how much it hurts, and the love you’ve communicated to my family has meant a lot. Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers over the past few days. They have helped so much.

8. Truvy was right. Laughter through tears is the best emotion.

Sometime after my Christmas episode aired on Food Network Saturday, my sister and I discovered that during the entire first half of the show, I was wearing two different earrings.

Of course.

We cracked up…and then we cracked up some more.

I think Ga-Ga would have gotten a real kick out of it.